Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
