Someone shit on the floor
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
