The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
