I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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