I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
do herpes really smell.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
