So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
