You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
