Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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