you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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