Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
