I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
NoShamevember. You game?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
