We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
