I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
