How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
