i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
