Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
porn star boner night. come get it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
