Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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