Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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