As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
