I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
