Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
