I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
