the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I supernannyed him into submission
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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