sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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