I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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