Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
