He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
