wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize