I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
