1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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