I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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