i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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