Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
