Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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