Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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