he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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