He felt like a one man threesome
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
