Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
