I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
