yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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