I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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