R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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