he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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