yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Dicks are not precious.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
