I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
