all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
