Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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