made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize