Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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