Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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