I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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