He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
