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In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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