You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
