I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
