it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
