What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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