It's Friday. Sex?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
