quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
