There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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