yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
