i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
