I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
