:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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