My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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