I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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