If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
